Helen@helshounds.co.uk +44(0)7356 072133
What to do when you get the worst news
So you’ve been to the vet, or in my case, several vets. And now, you have the worst news any pet owner / handler / perent/ slave could get. Your beloved animal is sick and not the kind of sick that a course of antibiotics or regular pain killers or inhalers can cure or help. Your best friend, your confidant, your cuddle buddy is going die soon, and the worst thing is, there is nothing you can do stop it or fix it. You are lost; what do you do, where do youthe go, how do you help?
Let me lend you the benefit of my experience. I‘ve done this once already. I'm doing it again now, and I have a chronically ill cat.
Meg was only 9/ 10, and the location of her cancer lent itself to a different treatment plan. we opted to give her a short course of radiation and then use growth inhibitors. This allowed us to keep her comfortable for longer. She was given a prognosis of 12-18 months, though, of course, we were unsure of how long she had been living with the disease.
Last week, the end of November/ start of December 2023, Isaac took ill. He appeared to be in shock. We treated him at home for half the day, but his condition only got worse. Our local vet tried to assess and treat him. They, however, felt he needed more care and referred us to the local emergency animal hospital. After several phone calls and several thousand pounds worth of imaging and diagnostics, the answers were in. He has a sizeable mass in his abdomen and a lung infection.
We were told that despite the needle biopsy of the abdominal tumour not showing actual cancer cells, the location, size and his age make cancer the most likely option. We have opted not to try to take any more samples or to remove it because of the risks involved. It is a decision that we still debate, going back and forth between ourselves, but ultimately, we cannot put him through more procedures at his age when it‘s possible that it won‘t cure him anyway.
Making the most
Making the most of the time you have left is all you can do now. Always wanted to take Fido to the beach but never found the time? Do it Now!
Spoil them rotten and make them feel loved and secure. Your dog will let you know what will make them happy. Watch them and their body language; you know your pet!
Take all the pictures, print them out, make a scrapbook, and make the memories!
While making the most of your time with your pet means making them happy and making memories while you can, it’s also A time to plan and prepare for what we know is to come.
I hate to be this blunt, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. At some point in the near future, you are going to have to put your pet to sleep, or they are going to die, and when that happens, you will have a body to deal with.
Now, if your pet has been put to sleep at a vet’s office, it’s likely that they have the capability to arrange a cremation and return of your pet's ashes.
However, this service is unlikely to be the only option, and if your pet passes away at home, you would likely have to transport their body to the vet’s.
Use this time to decide, are you going to use the service that your vets provide? Or is there another provider in the area who offers a preferable service?
Some things you may want to consider:
- Will the service collect your pet if they pass away at home or are euthanised at your vet
- The price and how much your insurance will cover
- Can they guarantee that your pet will be cremated on their own
- Options for ashes return and memorials like fur and paw prints.
- Simplicity of the process
When the day comes
You will know when your pet is done fighting, when they are ready to go. It is only fair to let them go as humanely as possible. They will tell you, in their looks and actions, that they may no longer want to go for a walk; maybe it's the dull eyes and full food bowl.
You may have come to the point where they have no quality of life because it is no longer possible to keep them comfortable, happy and pain-free. I believe that no pet should suffer unnecessarily, and if they are suffering just because we cannot treat their disease, then it is unnecessary.
Meg was not eating or drinking; she was vomiting, lethargic, hardly moving, and didn‘t want any cuddles. We just knew.
You might have said goodbye to pets before, or this might be your first time.
For me, it was the worst feeling of my life. But for your pet, imagine how much worse it must be?
You might want to run away and leave them with the vet and the nurses, but don’t do that, don‘t for the love of all things furry. Stay with your animal, dog, cat, rabbit, or gerbil; don’t let them spend their last moments scared and looking for you.
For your dog, you are their whole world. Hold them as they go, and let them know they are loved. Send them into whatever you believe comes next with your love and warmth around them. You’ll thank me later.
You might want to take some fur clippings, paw, or nose prints if your chosen funeral service Or vet practice doesn’t do this. This is one thing I regret not doing with Meg.
Do Not Stand By My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
They Will Not Go Quietly
They will not go quietly,
the pets who’ve shared our lives.
In subtle ways they let us know
their spirit still survives.
Old habits still can make us think
we hear them at the door
Or step back when we drop
a tasty morsel on the floor.
Our feet still go around the place
the food dish used to be,
And, sometimes, coming home at night,
we miss them terribly.
And although time may bring new friends
and a new food dish to fill,
That one place in our hearts
belongs to them…
and always will.
How do I tell my child?
Well, this really depends on your child, but let me begin with a story of my own.
When I was around 4, my mum’s old dog, Buster, was put to sleep. My parents did all they could to prepare me, but one of my earliest memories is coming home that day to find his spot by the fire empty. Buster was an old dog, but he had been a fixture of my life. And that sinking feeling in my stomach, the realisation that they were actually telling me the truth and he was not going to be there any more, is a feeling that I have never forgotten.
We have a policy in our house that we do not lie to children. Our 6-year-old Darcy is now facing the prospect of losing Isaac, much like I did. A dog who has been in her life for as long as she can remember. We cannot hide the fact that he is sick because it will inevitably get worse. But she expected that the “doggy doctors” would fix him.
The best advice, from my home to yours, would be to speak as plainly as possible. Explain things in terms that they understand; Darcy doesn’t need to know Isaac has cancer, only that he has poorly in his tummy that the vets can’t fix and that one day in the near future, he will die. You might need to repeat it. You don‘t need to hide your own emotions; let your little one know it’s ok to be sad or to feel whatever they are feeling.
Give them a focus, a job, maybe get them involved in feeding or ticking off medication on a chart or making sure that your pet isn‘t cold, something they can do. Every morning, Darcy covers Isaac up with a blanket and gives him a toy if she thinks he looks sad or cold or in pain. Every bedtime, she makes him a bed on her bedroom floor, and he dutifully sleeps in it.
She helps to feed him his dog food (with a dog, two cats and fish to feed; sometimes we need her help!).
How do I make sure my pup isn‘t sick?
I discuss this in another post: “So you think you want a dog?”.
Ok, so when we talk about euthanasia, most people think about older dogs, Dogs who have lived their lives and gotten sick. But what about the shiny new puppy you just brought home? How do you make sure that they don’t just become another statistic? Because the risk of euthanasia doesn’t increase with age for purebred dogs, some studies have found.
Here is my advice:
1) Make sure you see the dog with its mother in the breeders facility. If they want to meet you at motorway services to hand over, then alarm bells should be ringing.
2) If there is any evidence of vomiting and diarrhoea from any dog: walk away.
3) Make sure that the pup has had all age-appropriate vet care and preventatives! You want the records and the vets details.
4) Go with your gut, you can pick up on things without knowing it. If it seems to good to be true, it likely is.
5) If you bring the pup home, get them into a local vet ASAP! Vaccines, microchips, flea and worm treatments are essential.
6) The best advice I can give and the advice I would follow, adopt, don’t shop! Reputable rescue organisations will health check all animals before adoption and give you all the advice you need on what to do next!
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